Let the Silence Not Be Heard
by ShiverMeFunzies
Summary: Set after the end of season 3. Things are getting back to normal for Camelot and Merlin is glad for it. He doesn't want to ruin the happiness that Arthur, Gwen and the knights have finally found. But can he hide his new secret forever? Non Slash.
1. Chapter 1

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**Let the Silence Not Be Heard. **

**A/N: Hi everyone this is my first Merlin fic, and I'm sorry if you don't like it. Please leave a review if you do like it though. It'll keep my fuel going. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, please don't hurt me or eat me alive. **

**Chapter 1**

Arthur was irritated. There was no other way around it. Just pure and unrelenting irritation at his clumsy manservant. Merlin was late, very incredibly and irrevocably late. Meaning that Arthur was going to be late on his hunting trip and the idea did not sit well with the future king. This was the first time Arthur was taking his new knights on a hunting trip with him, and Gwen was also meant to accompany the party. This trip marked the beginning of a new era in Arthur's life. One that rose with the acceptance that Morgana was no longer on their side, that his own father was too heart broken to rule the kingdom, and that Camelot was only too happy to follow Arthur in which ever direction he may choose to lead his kingdom. This realization was brought to his notice by his friends, especially Merlin. Following his advice, Arthur was seriously considering taking over his father's responsibilities. However, before any of that could be possible, Arthur wanted to wait for Camelot to be restored to its former glory. Now that the last stone had been laid upon the rebuilt city, Arthur wanted to go hunting with his friends one last time, just as friends. For undoubtedly, things would change once he became king. He just wasn't sure if it was for the better or worse. He just wanted to feel the here and now, before it was ripped away beneath his fingers.

The thing that was infuriating him was that Merlin was well aware of these sentiments, and had still not bothered to show up this morning. This wasn't typical of his manservant anymore. Despite his sharp wit and disregard for Arthur's stature, Merlin was in fact a very good servant. He did what was asked of him and often went far beyond Arthur's expectations. This was especially true as of late. The man worked tirelessly around the castle, doing all the chores that Arthur asked of him. When he had a moment to spare, he was out collecting herbs for Gaius, and if he wasn't doing that, he was doing odd jobs for Lancelot and Gawane to help them fit into their new status as Knights. Arthur had heard the two knights complain about Merlin's inability to take time out for himself. It amused Arthur at first because he always considered Merlin to be a lazy person by nature, but it was really an outward appearance. Merlin liked to seem less competent than he actually was. He liked to seem idiotic when he was truly the wisest person Arthur had ever known. He liked to appear meek and scared when he usually marched into danger without a second thought. Mostly though, Merlin just was an utter contradiction. It seemed that to know Merlin, one could never know him at all. That didn't stop Arthur from poking fun at him though, especially about the lazy bit. It just seemed to fit his outward character, even though it was far from the truth.

That being said, today was a rather poor day to choose to claim truth to those jokes. With that thought in mind Arthur trudged angrily up the stairs that lead to Gaius' chambers. However before he could barge in and make a grand gesture of irritation, he realized the occupants of the chambers were already in the throws of an argument. Good sense would tell Arthur to leave them be. Of course, Arthur was not known for having good sense most days. So instead he decided to eavesdrop.

"Will you sit down for one minute!" Gaius' irritated voice bellowed.

"Gaius' I'm already late, can't we do this later?"

"Merlin, so help me if I have to endure one more time of you stalling, I will personally strap you to your bed." This brought a smile to Arthur's lips. He could just imagine Gaius following through with that threat.

"Well It's the truth this time, Arthur will have my head. I have loads of things to do."

"My point exactly Merlin, you shouldn't be doing any of those things right now!" Gaius' voice rose in frustration. Arthur for the life of him couldn't understand what that meant. Why was he telling Merlin not to do his job?

"I've already told you. It's not how I want things to be."

"It won't be up to you my boy." Arthur couldn't be sure but he thought he heard the physician's voice crack. What was going on? What had Gaius this upset?

"I know, Don't worry. Everything is fine for the moment." Merlin said softly. Arthur could barely hear anything. His confusion mounted at Gaius' next words.

"You should tell him you know. He has every right to know."

"No!" Merlin cried firmly. The note of desperation in his voice was clear to Arthur even without seeing his face. "This is my life and my decision. I don't want him to know and that's final. You will not tell him Gaius."

"I won't" Gaius relented gently. There was silence for a few seconds and Arthur contemplated entering the room at that moment, when he heard Gaius move.

"Only if you promise to take this right this minute." Arthur had no idea what 'this' was but couldn't imagine it being a good thing, especially upon hearing Merlin's groan.

"I have to work!"

"Either take it or I'm marching straight to Arthur's chambers." At this Arthur's interest peaked. Merlin was hiding something from _him? _What could it be? Nothing good from the way Gaius made it sound. But what? Why did Gaius seem so worried? Why did Merlin seem so desperate? With so many questions swimming in his mind, Arthur did not realize that Merlin had already accepted whatever it was that Gaius was offering and had performed what was required of him.

"There, now can I go? I have a hunting trip to organize." Arthur took that as his cue to enter the chambers.

"Merlin?" Upon seeing Arthur enter, Merlin's face broke into a grin. But even to Arthur, it seemed fake.

"Oh good, I was just making my way to you." With that he waved at Gaius and began to steer Arthur back the way he came. "Come on then, I'm sure you're just dying to let out a long rant about me being late. Don't hold back sire, let it out."

"Wait a minute…" Arthur tried to halt their progress, still in the process of recollecting all that he had heard. He wanted to get his answers, but it seemed that Merlin was almost too anxious to get out of Gaius' chamber.

As the two men made their way into the main hallway, Arthur tried once more to get Merlin's attention.

"Merlin, hold on a minute!" At this Merlin finally stopped.

"Sire?" Merlin theatrically bowed, making a show of respect. That only earned him an eye roll, to which Merlin's sheepish grin grew wider.

"Do you have something you want to tell me Merlin?" Arthur asked, folding his arms in that authoritative way that had most people spilling their guts. Most people that weren't Merlin anyway.

"Uh…I don't like your taste in clothes?" Merlin replied with his trademark grin firmly in place.

"Okay…anything else?"

"I also think you spend too much time in front of the mirror these days…"

"Merlin! I'm serious!"

"So am I, you do."

"Fine! Don't tell me. But you know you can tell me things. As much as it pains me to admit it, you are my friend. Possibly the best friend I've ever had. And I don't want this to get to your head, but I trust you. And I want you to know that you can trust me too."

The sincerity in Arthur's words almost made Merlin's resolve crumble. He wanted to tell his best friend everything: every last secret, every painful detail in his life. But he couldn't do that. Not when things were finally getting back to normal for his friend. Not when he was finally getting everything he ever wanted. It was too much of a burden to place on another's shoulder. Merlin was use to doing things alone now. He would continue to do so for as long as he could.

"I know." Merlin replied, gratitude and affection lacing his words. With that a genuine smile graced the young warlock's lips for the first time all day, as both men began to make their way to Arthur's bedchambers.

"You know you've made us both late don't you."

"Yup."

"And that I'm going to make you muck up the stalls for a week."

"Yup." Merlin replied once again, shrugging off the punishment. "You know that you're a complete prat don't you."

"Yup."

"Just checking."

Soft chuckles could be heard along the hallways as knights and peasants alike. became privy to the endless banter thrown back and forth by the future king and his best friend. However, underneath the jovial words, a promise to revisit a darker secret could be heard, but only by the men who spoke them.

**TBC**

**Review? Pretty Please? **


	2. Chapter 2

**Let the Silence Not Be Heard. **

**A/N: Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews so far. The more I get, the faster I write.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, please don't hurt me or eat me alive. **

**Chapter 2 **

The day began with renewed gusto as Merlin, Arthur, Gwen and the four newly anointed knights began to prepare for the hunt. Arthur wanted to venture far into Cenred's kingdom, since the fallen king had left a great deal of land behind. Arthur thought it would be a good way to familiarize with the land while trying to catch some new game. Never before had an opportunity such as this arisen, since the two kingdoms had always been at war. This basically meant that they would be gone for a week at least.

Merlin was busy sharpening all manner of swords, spears and arrows, packing armor, preparing all the horses and readying the supplies. Gwen was busy mending her outfits for the next week, wanting to look acceptable for her future king. Lancelot, Elyan and Percival were busy practicing their archery and spear throwing skills. Gwaine was preparing too, only his preparation was more directed towards hitting every tavern in town, so that he may be all stocked up on mead for the rest of the week. Although truth be told, he was finding it difficult to save any, since it magically disappeared somewhere between all the arm wrestling and dice games that he constantly got coaxed into.

Arthur was busy getting all the paperwork out of the way before he could finally leave for his much-anticipated hunting trip.

And soon the moment of departure arrived. The four knights, Gwen, Arthur and their secret warlock arrived at the stables, where the horses were already saddled and ready to go. Gaius was standing beside Merlin's mare, waiting for the group. Nodding to the group, he moved closer to his ward, indicating that he'd like a word in private.

Merlin reluctantly moved closer, making sure he was far enough from the rest of the crowd. No one heard what was being discussed, nor did anyone want to invade their privacy, all except Arthur that is. For his part, Arthur tried to lip read as much as possible. But from his point of view, it looked like Merlin had just said. "You don't need curry, I'll have pine." That just didn't seem right. So instead he tried to focus on body language.

Gaius seemed worried once again, while Merlin seemed placating, as though he was trying to soothe a frightened horse. The conversation abruptly ended with Gaius pulling his young friend into a hug. Anyone could see the despair in the old man's eyes. But soon, the embrace too came to an end. There was awkward silence during which Gaius fumbled with a pouch inside his leather bag. Finally, he managed to pull the blasted thing out and handed it to Merlin. Merlin took it graciously, but still gave the thing a weary look before putting it in his own travel bag.

Once again Arthur was left to wonder what was going on. Why were they being so secretive? What was Merlin hiding? The thing that really bothered him was that Gaius knew, and he didn't. It was obvious that Merlin trusted Gaius and not him, because he had asked the man not to say anything. What could be so horrible that Merlin wouldn't share his problems with his best friend? Merlin did consider him his best friend didn't he? Looking around him, he wasn't so sure. Merlin and Gwen had been close from the first day. Lancelot too seemed close to the young man. Gwaine on the other hand openly considered Merlin his only true friend. The question then remained, who did Merlin consider his closest friend?

It seemed like a stupid and petty thing to think about, especially for the future king. None-the-less, it was important. Arthur did not give away his friendship lightly. It had to be earned, and Merlin had earned the right to be Arthur's closest friend. The question was, had Arthur earned the same right? It would bother him deeply if he hadn't. What did it mean for the future king if he couldn't even earn the trust of his own manservant. How could his kingdom trust him then? But Merlin wasn't just any manservant. He was strong willed, opinionated, loyal and as intelligent as they come. That is why he had the trust and loyalty of some of the most honorable people Arthur had ever known. As much as he would never admit it out loud, any man would be lucky to call himself Merlin's best friend. After all, look how much Arthur had changed because of the young man. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that his views had changed dramatically because of Merlin. It's why he relied on the clumsy little bugger's advice so often. So it came right down to one question. What was Merlin not telling him? God this was getting annoying. He wanted answers so badly. He just wanted to shake them out of his stupid friend.

Gwen watched confusion flicker across Arthur's features as he tried hard to concentrate on Merlin and Gaius. Trying to figure out what was causing him to be so perplexed, she too fixed her attention on the exchange taking place before them. It hadn't escaped her notice that Gaius had been acting strangely as of late. He constantly looked tired and often snapped with irritation. At first she had thought it was because of the stress of dealing with so many injured people after Morgana's reign, but she wasn't so sure anymore. It seemed that something was going on between the old man and his young ward. It didn't appear to be a quarrel, but things weren't smooth either. Come to think of it, Merlin had been acting strange lately as well. She hadn't thought of it much, but looking back, it was clear as day. Lately the boy seemed to be working himself into an early grave. That in itself wasn't strange, because Merlin did that very often. The problem was that lately it seemed to take a toll on him. The boy looked much skinnier than he had ever before, his skin seemed a shade too pale and there were dark circles under his eyes. All this was often easy to overlook with Merlin. His sunny disposition made it difficult to see anything beyond his infectious smile and sharp sense of humor. After all, how can you imagine something being wrong with the one man who manages to bring brightness into any room, just by power of his happy go lucky nature. That being said, it seemed that Merlin was very good at hiding behind his smile. He was doing it right now. One second he was smiling reassuringly at Gaius, but as soon as they embraced, his smile slipped, just for a second, and a deep rooted sadness appeared on his face. However, just as it had come, it was gone. Soon to be replaced with the childish annoyance at being chastised by a parent.

How had she not noticed this before? How had she not seen that something was bothering her best friend? Merlin always knew when something was wrong with her. He was always the first to help and the first to fix everything. She supposed that being with Arthur more often recently had not helped her observations skills much, but she would like to think that she'd be there for her friends when they needed her most. She'd have to ask Merlin about it later. Not now, when he was so obviously trying to hide his problems from everyone else.

Looking around, Merlin finally decided that there had been way too much of an emotional display today, enough to last him a lifetime in fact.

"Well if you're all done enjoying the show, can we get a move along?" He asked cheekily, as if everyone else was keeping the servant, not the other way around.

"Hey, I say when we're ready to move remember?"

"Oh I'm sorry sire, I'm just so use to doing things for you, force of habit." He replied, his grin becoming ever so wide.

"Shut up Merlin." Arthur replied indignantly. He had no idea how he managed to walk into those surly retorts, but sometimes Merlin was just too smart for his own good.

"Chin up Gaius, we'll bring your precious bundle back home safely." Gwaine offered. To that Gaius smiled gratefully before moving aside.

"See that you do Sir Gwaine."

With that, all the Knights along with Arthur, Gwen and Merlin mounted their horses and began to ride.

Gaius stood to the side, watching his young ward leave. The unsettled feeling that was eating him on the inside for weeks now grew even deeper. He had tried, tried so very hard to get the stubborn young man to see reason: to do what was best for himself for a change. But true to his nature, Merlin had refused. Gaius longed for those days when Merlin was younger, less experienced and still feared for his own wellbeing. He remembered arguing with Merlin about riding out to save Arthur. At that time Merlin had accused him of not caring what happened to the young man. He was so afraid, so scared that he would be killed. That young man was never so ready to sacrifice himself for the greater good. Gaius wondered if Merlin's blatant disregard for his own life now was his mentor's doing. However, it was difficult not to be proud of the idiot. He was a hero in so many ways, and no one even knew it. The saddest part was that Merlin no longer cared, he no longer wanted recognition. He just wanted what was best for everyone, his own feelings no longer factored in.

"Just come back to me Merlin." Gaius breathed. He knew that no one would hear him, but it didn't matter. If the gods were listening, this had to be one prayer they would hear loud and clear.

…

Merlin was annoyed. Highly annoyed in fact. This was the second time today that Gaius had managed to bring suspension onto the two of them. First Arthur, and now practically everyone was looking at him as if something was the matter. How the man managed to keep any secret was beyond him.

He knew that was harsh, Gaius was only worried and he had every reason to be. However, that's part of the reason he hadn't wanted Gaius to find out. His friend was already burdened with so many responsibilities lately, and now this. It was breaking the old man's heart. Anyone could see that. He needed Gaius to be strong though: to get a hold of himself and keep things normal. It would do no one any good to walk around with fear struck eyes and weary hearts.

Pushing aside his mounting discomfort at being watched by everyone around him, Merlin decided to lighten the mood. It had already been an awkwardly silent hour of riding.

"So Gwaine, you smell like a fresh tankard of mead. How many taverns did you grace this morning."

"You no me mate, I believe in equal opportunity, so I found time to pay visit to all of them."

"How very kind of you." Lancelot retorted, who was just a pace behind the two men.

"Yes, it's nice to know my money is going towards a good cause." Arthur piped in from a few paces ahead.

"I thought so too sire." Everyone chuckled at that. It was always easy to lighten the mood with Gwaine around. The man was the least knight-like of them all. He cared little for authority and way too much for alcohol and was ready to stick his foot in his mouth every time he opened it.

"Yes well some people have to go rescue your sorry hide every time you step foot into a tavern. So you better not be making a habit of it." Merlin chided.

"It's already a habit mate. Besides, how else is a man going to lure his best friend into spending some quality bonding time." Arthur stiffened at the idea of Gwaine calling himself Merlin's best friend. Did he know what was wrong with Merlin then? He thought bitterly. However, the idea that Arthur was jealous of Gwaine didn't seem right either. So he forced himself to relax. Even though it still felt a little off.

"Well you bond with the floor a lot more than you do with me when my services are required. I'd much prefer to be lured to have a drink instead."

"Ha, as though you'd ever have the time." Gwaine scoffed playfully. "Arthur, you've been keeping my friend on a very tight leash mate. Care to share some Merlin with the rest of the common folk." Gwaine bellowed playfully. This pleased Arthur to no end. This meant that Merlin was in fact closer to him.

"No can do Gwaine. He barely gets anything done as it is. If you get him drunk every day as well, I'd have to find a competent servant instead. We can't have that."

"Yes, god forbid Arthur learns to tie his own shoes."

"Merlin!" Arthur interrupted.

"You're going to ask me to shut up now aren't you?"

"Yup."

"I thought so." Everyone chuckled once again. Some how, no matter who was present, Merlin and Arthur's banter always took over. It was both amusing and endearing. However Gwaine often wondered what it was about Arthur that made Merlin so unwaveringly loyal to the man. Not that he himself wouldn't serve Arthur with the highest degree of loyalty. However Merlin did so without conditions, without recognition and often without acknowledgment. He was Arthur's friend, he considered protecting and helping Arthur his highest priority, without worry about the consequences to himself. It wasn't hard to see that the lengths Merlin went to stay by Arthur's side were far beyond any knight, peasant or servant. Especially given that Merlin was only little. He was a small framed, gentle and slightly clumsy young boy, who deserved to be protected. Instead, here Merlin was putting himself in harms way almost regularly, for a man who was twice his size and very capable of taking care of himself. How could Gwaine compete with such loyalty? He knew that Merlin would do anything for him, he would never even have to ask. However, the bond that he shared with Arthur was something Gwaine could never grasp. Even though he longed for such closeness. After all, Merlin was his only true friend. Was it too much to ask that Merlin feel the same for him? He felt childish thinking about it, but there it was. However, at the end of the day, having Merlin as a friend was good enough. It was better than not knowing him at all.

"So Gwen, how does it feel to be the honorary lady amongst all these surly men?"

"Aw Merlin, you talk as though you're not among them."

"Well I think we've already established that I'm not like the rough and tough save the world type."

"You mean you're a girl…"

"Find a new insult, some people are trying to talk here." Merlin interrupted before Arthur could get a word in.

"Merlin." Gwen chastised playfully, but Merlin just shrugged. He wasn't going to stop insulting the man just because Gwen and him were together now.

"Anyway, answer the question my lady."

"You forget Merlin that I'm a blacksmith's daughter, being in the company of 'surly' men as you put it, is hardly strange."

"Just you wait, you'll change your mind once the conversation turns towards women."

"We aren't going to talk about other women in the presence of a lady." Lancelot retorted, ever the gentlemen.

"I'm hardly a lady." Gwen replied without thinking. Suddenly she was reminded of a simpler time, when she was just a seamstress and Lancelot an ordinary man who wanted to be a knight. Things had changed so much since then. Now she was in love with the future king, and things were looking up for them both. Lancelot had also gotten what he wanted. Only it meant that whatever it was that was between them could never be again. She knew that she wasn't wistful about it, but with the way Lancelot sometimes looked at her, made her wonder if the knight still cared for her.

Lancelot didn't reply, and the conversation turned elsewhere. Merlin noticed the change, also thinking of the time similar words had been exchanged between his two friends. Silently he aligned his horse with Lancelot and whispered gently.

"I know this must be hard for you. I'm sorry things have to be this way."

"It's alright Merlin. Some things just cannot be. I have accepted that."

"I know, but if you need to talk, you can talk to me."

"You know, the same goes for you." Merlin sighed. This was another Gaius induced conversation surely.

"I know."

"No really Merlin. I know you're hiding something. You've gotten good at keeping things but I know you too well. Understand that you're not alone. We're all here."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." He most definitely would not keep that in mind, but how else is one to shake off such sincere concern?

"You're a terrible liar."

"Yes well you're terrible at consoling people. What else is new?" Merlin replied without missing a beat. And with that the two men fell into companionable silence.

….

By the time night had fallen, Merlin was fed up with all his friends taking turns in asking him if he was alright. He was grateful that Elyan and Percival had not done so because he was ready to rip someone's head off.

However, as the group settled by the burning fire, all concern was forgotten. Mindless banter ensued, and all seemed right with the world. Merlin watched in wonder as Gwaine and Elyan shared a drink, both laughing and joking with alcohol induced glee. Merlin could see the foundation of a beautiful new friendship emerging before his eyes. It pleased him to no end. Beside them, Percival and Lancelot were engaged in discussing the best hunting techniques that worked for different animals. Merlin didn't care for the subject of conversation, but he was enjoying the relaxed way in which Lancelot was conducting himself. The cloud of being an unrequited lover was lifted off of him for the moment, and Merlin got the sense that he would one day get over his pain, and always be this relaxed knight that sat before him at this moment.

To his right, he could see Arthur talking softly to Gwen. They were all but sitting on each other's lap, but it didn't seem odd or inappropriate. They looked at each other with reverence and respect, like two soul mates should. For a brief moment Merlin could see into the future, where Arthur was married to his beloved Guinevere and they both sat side by side at the throne. They both seemed happier than one can ever imagine. The idea lights Merlin with a sense of peace. As though his purpose in life was being realized. Finally it seemed that his destiny was coming to a close. Not a moment too soon.

Silently he watched his friends, mentally making a portrait of that moment, in which each of his friends were happy. That was what he wants for them all, for the rest of their lives. That was all that he ever asked for. It seemed that fate might just be able to grant him that wish, as long as this continued as they were progressing. Although the contented feeling he was relishing in didn't last long. Looking once again at the happy faces before him, he suddenly felt like and outsider. He felt an irrational fear grip him from the inside. Amongst all this joy, he was the only exception. He was the last link to everyone's unhappiness: the source of things that could easily crumble. It wasn't arrogance that made him feel like he could affect people in that way. It was just that over all these years, he knew how much his friends had already been through. He knew the things that could unravel this blanket of security that has fallen upon this group. It scared him, made him feel tainted, cursed. Suddenly all he wanted was to distance himself from everyone. Take away the curse that followed him everywhere. He would protect his friends, even if it is from himself. With that thought in mind Merlin got up from his seated position and strode away unnoticed into the forest.

Fifteen minutes passed without incident. Everyone was busy doing their own thing. Until finally Merlin came up in conversation and Gwaine looked up to get the boy's attention. To his surprise, his young friend wasn't anywhere to be found.

"Where's Merlin?" He asked, concern already building up inside him. Everyone around the camp looked up, trying to answer the simple question, but found none.

"He was sitting right here last I checked." Arthur said, rising to his feet. He too looked on in concern. It was dark and the forest was full of creatures, it was foolish to walk around without weapons. Typical Merlin, does whatever the hell he pleases, without any regard for safety.

"I'm going to go take a look." Gwaine declared, before grabbing his sword and making his way to into the forest.

An eerie silence fell over the camp as everyone wondered where their friend had gone without telling anyone.

Gwaine slowly made his way into the forest, followed light footprints that lead away from the trees. He couldn't put his finger on it but he was feeling apprehensive. It was irrational but when it came to Merlin, he was like that. He felt fiercely protective and always felt the need to make sure the young man was okay. The servant brought it on himself if you asked him. He was always just so...nice. Anyone could take advantage of that. Not everyone was as nice as him. Not to mention the fact that Merlin walked into trouble very willingly for the most part. How the man had survived this long Gwaine would never know.

Finally Gwaine came across the object of his concern. But what he saw made his heart stop with uncontrolled fear.

**TBC**

**More reviews? Please please please? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Let the Silence Not Be Heard. **

**A/N: Thank you so much for your support for this story so far. It really helps. This chapter is a bit short but it's sort of a bridge to the state of mind in which Merlin behaves in the next chapter. Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters thought I wish I did. **

**Chapter 3**

_Finally Gwaine came across the object of his concern. But what he saw made his heart stop with uncontrolled fear. _

_…._

There lay Merlin unconscious by a willow tree. If Gwaine hadn't noticed the slight shiver that ran through his friend's body, he would have thought him dead. Merlin looked awful as he lay curled into a fetal position. His raven hair clung to his face, lathered in sweat. His body shook involuntarily as though he was in pain even in oblivion

. "Merlin!" The knight exclaimed in panic as he hurried to his friend's side. Quickly Gwaine began to check for injuries, but soon found that there were none. He then proceeded to shake the young man, but got not response. He was about to call for help when Merlin's eyes suddenly shot open. Gwaine's heart leapt with relief.

Merlin looked disoriented for a few moments, trying to figure out where he was. His breath quickened at first, fear clearly visible in his eyes. It pained Gwaine to see such terror in his friend's eyes, especially when it was directed at him. Trying to reassure himself and his frightened mate, Gwaine gently draped his hands around his friend's shoulder.

"Merlin, are you all right? What happened." Hearing Gwaine's voice brought past events back into focus for the young warlock. He suddenly remembered where he was and what Gwaine had just walked into. Immodestly fear vanished from the young man's face, being replaced with a mask that Merlin was much more familiar with.

"Hey Gwaine, Urm this is embarrassing. I fell and knocked myself out."

"Oh, that's unfortunate mate. Only you can manage something like that eh? Are you hurt? Should I go get help?"

"No…" Merlin rasped. "I'm fine. It was just stupid, honestly. I wasn't even out that long."

"You sure? You don't even have a bump on your head…"

"Yea, that's how stupid it was. Who knocks themselves out that easily?"

"Apparently you."

"Yes, it would seem so. Let's get back then." Gwaine lifted the warlock from his waist into an upright position. Merlin swayed for a moment before Gwaine put a steadying hand around his shoulders once more. The warlock nodded in gratitude before continuing.

"Gwaine, can we not mention this to anyone else? I don't want to rile everyone up over something so silly. Arthur is never going to let me live that down."

"Well who cares what Arthur thinks."

"No one really, but I'd rather not be called a girl for the third time today."

"Alright. But only if you're being honest. You are, aren't you?"

"Yes, completely." Gwaine didn't see the shadow pass over Merlin's eyes as he spoke those words, but he was just glad that nothing serious was wrong with his friend. Gingerly Merlin began to make his way back to the camp, Gwaine following close behind: staying within arm's reach to make sure his young friend did not fall again.

"So what were you doing out here anyway?"

"I was just taking a walk, stumbled over a root. And the rest as they say is history."

"Ever the graceful one eh Merlin."

"Oh I'm a regular swan."

"Well you're certainly pale enough to be one."

"Hey, don't mock what my mother gave me. Just because you're an almighty knight of Camelot now doesn't mean you can be mean to the help."

"Duly noted."

As the two men got back to camp, everyone all but swarmed the warlock.

"Merlin, what is the meaning of this? You don't just walk away whenever you feel like it. This isn't a park you know." Arthur yelled, hiding his concern behind anger.

"Sorry sire." Merlin replied simply. He was tired and dizzy and just wanted to go to bed. Seeing Merlin's rather disheveled state Arthur held his tongue from lashing any further. If Merlin wasn't arguing, then something was wrong.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked starting to assume the worst, whatever that was.

"Nothing, just went for a walk. I'm tired now."

"Merlin, are you okay? You look pale." Gwen asked gently. This prompted Arthur to take a closer look. It was true, he did look rather awful.

"I'm fine, just tired. I'm going to head to bed early. Why don't you carry on." With that Merlin departed from the group, not sparing a backward glance. Had he looked back, he would have seen six very concerned faces. However, he didn't need to look to know that they were there.

Watching Merlin's retreating back Arthur could no longer control himself. He had to talk to his friend before he went to bed. Quietly he excused himself from the group and followed his friend into his tent.

"Merlin…" He began walking in. However, he was abruptly cut off by the young man who immediately spun on his heals to face his future king.

"Arthur I swear to God if you ask me one more time if I'm alright, I will…do something very horrible."

Disbelief colored Arthur's features at the lame threat. "Really, and what will you do?"

Struggling to come up with anything threatening on the spot Merlin shot back passionately, "I don't know! But it will not be good."

"Well, anyway. I wasn't going to ask you that."

"Really?" This time it was Merlin who quirked his eyebrow in disbelief.

"Okay, so maybe I was. But can you blame me? You look like death."

"Yes well you look fat."

"I do not look fat!" Arthur yelled with three parts vigor and one part indignation. Unfortunately he didn't realize the volume at which he's yelled the word fat, as it echoed loudly in the forest. Merlin was sure he heard birds fly away.

"Do you think Guinevere heard that?"

"Yes, definitely."

"Well whatever. I'm not fat. Why am I talking about this? Stop avoiding the topic _Merlin_."

"There is no topic Arthur. I'm fine, like I've been saying all day. I'd be much better if everyone would just leave me alone."

"Well maybe if you didn't look like you went ten rounds with a questing beast and lost, we wouldn't ask so much. Just give it to me straight and I promise I won't ask again unless provoked."

"That doesn't sound promising."

"Well it's all I'm offering. Just tell me, are you okay? Do we need to go back for any reason at all?"

"No we don't. Everything is fine, I am fine. Gaius and I are fine. I am just tired and would like to go to bed. And when I wake up, I'd like to be left the hell alone and not have all of you acting like big old worry warts."

"Worry warts?"

"Yes, worry warts. Now get out of my tent and spend time with your beloved. People are trying to sleep here."

"Hey, I'm your prince. Don't talk to me like that."

"Fine, get out of my tent _sire_." He replied mockingly. At that Arthur just rolled his eyes. Why did he even bother? With that dismissal from his own servant, Arthur wondered out of the tent. There he found everyone back to their previous positions by the fire. All except Gwaine, who still stood by the tent, looking worried.

"Something wrong Gwaine?"

"I'm not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I…it's nothing. I'm just…Merlin's got me a bit worried."

"Don't let him hear you say that. He's being quite a prat about it at the moment."

"Did he tell you anything?" Gwaine asked hopefully.

"No, I think he threw me out of my own tent though." A broad smile appeared on the knight's face. "Only Merlin."

"Yes, so it seems." Arthur felt suspicion creeping in once more. It seemed to him that Gwaine did in fact know something.

"Gwaine, should he have told me something?"

"No." Gwaine replied abruptly. Immediately he regretted his hasty reaction. It was a dead giveaway. "I mean I was hoping you would know something." Arthur seemed about to push harder but Gwaine was thankfully saved from further interrogation as Merlin stuck his head out of his tent.

"You do know you're talking about me outside my tent and that I can hear you right?" He asked irritably. Both men had the grace to look ashamed as they walked away and took their respective seats by the fire.

"Yea I thought so." Said Merlin to no one in particular as he stuck his head back in.

Settling down once again in his sleeping arrangement on the floor, Merlin began to ponder on the day's events. Today had been one disaster after another. He was confused about how everyone was suddenly starting to notice so much all in one day, when they hadn't been so observant all this time.. He wasn't sure what to do. All he was sure about was that his secret must not be revealed. Especially not after the grand and highly annoying display of concern each of his friends were showing. Imagine, if this was how they reacted without knowing anything, how could he possibly expect them to behave if they found out. No, they could never know. He would have to be more convincing. That's all.

With that thought in mind Merlin pulled out the leather pouch that Gaius had given him. Inside it lay several vials containing a dark green liquid that Merlin was unfortunately very well acquainted with in the recent past. Screwing his face up in disgust, Merlin reached for one of the vails and downed all of its content. As always, the liquid made him feel light headed and drowsy. However, unlike most times, today he could actually just fall asleep. It seemed that he'd be taking the potion a lot more often from now on. He needed to get his body accustomed to the change as soon as possible, starting from tonight. He hoped to God that tomorrow would bring with it a more distracting adventure for his friends, and less concern for himself.

TBC

Hey guys, I know this was a short chapter but it gets better. Please review if you like it though. Helps get faster updates.


	4. Chapter 4

**Let the Silence Not Be Heard. **

**A/N: Hey peeps, I rewrote this a bit because I found some typos and such. Thank you so much for all the reviews! I'm so grateful for your support. That's why this chapter is extra long and has the answer to what you've all been wondering. Hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, sadly. **

**Chapter 4**

Morning came with a promise of catching fresh game for the knights and relief for Merlin. The potion was doing it's job today, he was sure there would be no more incidents like last night. Not to mention he had managed to get a good night's sleep so he no longer looked like the walking dead, which nicely supported his claim of merely being tired. Thankfully both Arthur and the knights had become sufficiently distracted with keeping a look out for any animal activity in the forest, taking pleasure in the chase that hunts such as this provided. Merlin didn't see the appeal in killing helpless animals for sport, but a distraction was a distraction he supposed.

It was too bad Arthur insisted on him carrying all the equipment. Honestly, the man called him clumsy, got annoyed when he made too much noise and called him a girl for sympathizing with the animals, but always wanted him to hand stuff out while hunting. It made no sense.

So, like the good little servant Merlin was, he dutifully trudged behind Arthur. Of course he made sure to make as much noise as humanly possible so that no animal that had any self-preservation skills would come near the group. He wasn't about to make it easier for the future king after all.

"Merlin, can you walk any louder?" Arthur hissed in irritation as yet another rabbit scurried away.

"As a matter of fact I can." Merlin drawled.

"Please don't." Elyan breathed from behind the two men. Merlin smirked. It was quite amusing how eager all the warriors were at proving their skills. Arthur wanted to prove he was worthy of his knight's leadership. The knights wanted to prove they were worthy of Arthur's trust. Gwaine just wanted to prove he was better than Arthur, still not entirely over their previous debate about who beat whom in their forced combat in Jarl's little arena. They were like little dogs eager to perform tricks in return for treats.

Behind him Lancelot too whispered. "Yes Merlin, stop sabotaging the hunt, it'll only prolong your suffering." Merlin was well aware that Lancelot didn't give him the advice out of sympathy but desperation. Lancelot, more than anyone wanted to prove his worth to Arthur.

"Fine, I'll be quiet. Just don't expect me to carry whatever you catch."

"You do realize you're the only servant in the group don't you?" Merlin didn't bother to point out that Gwen was still technically a serving girl until Arthur officially announced his engagement in court. It was true, for all intents and purposes though, Merlin was the only servant in the group now.

"Yes, that should only make me more coveted, you know because I'm special and everything."

"Yes, special, like mentally afflicted people are. Now shut up. We're hunting, not out for cocktails."

Gwen quietly listened to the two men banter. What Arthur said about Merlin being the only servant really bothered her. She hadn't thought about it before, but now that all their friends were knights and she herself was heading towards being Arthur's wife, Merlin was the only one who's rank hadn't changed. He was going to remain Arthur's servant. There was nothing wrong in that, she herself was a servant after all. However, what did that mean for Merlin? Was he supposed to act differently around everyone in public? Was he going to bow down to her? He'd done it often enough to tease her, or to remind her that she was going to become one with her true love some day, but surely she didn't want Merlin to treat her differently. It was different for Arthur and him, they had met each other with their ranks in place. That wasn't the case for her, she had started out as Merlin's equal and was moving upwards. The thought of it left a bitter taste in her mouth. She wondered how Merlin felt about the whole thing: whether it made him bitter towards his friends. It certainly didn't seem that way, and really, Merlin being bitter about something just didn't seem right. Still, it bothered her very much and she had no idea how to fix the problem.

"What's wrong?" Merlin asked softly. Startled, Gwen almost yelled out in surprise. She hadn't realized that she'd been so lost in her thoughts.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"About you." At this Merlin quirked an eyebrow suggestively. He always found such amusement in making his lady friend uncomfortable. Mission accomplished it seemed.

"Not like that obviously, why would I think about you like that? I was just thinking about you as my friend. You know, about what's going to happen."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in the future. Are you going to treat me differently when…if I become queen?"

"Do you want me to treat you differently?"

"Heavens no." A broad grin appeared on Merlin's face at the disgusted reaction from his friend. He supposed it would make sense to worry about things changing between them. He would never let things change for the worse though. If he had any control of things like that anyway.

"Then don't worry, Nothing will change between us."

"That's good."

Slowly though the grin on Merlin's face faltered, being replaced by something Gwen couldn't place.

"Besides, you never know what happens in the future." It was just the way he said those words that made a shiver run through Gwen's body. They sounded ominous, sad and wistful all at the same time. What was that all about?

"Hey, you two, remember this thing we were trying to do? It involves animals and skilled knights and one very important thing, its called silence." Arthur hissed irritably once again.

"Sorry." Both Gwen and Merlin responded simultaneously, although only Gwen truly appeared to mean it.

…..

A few hours passed in good company as the party caught 3 rabbits and a deer. Merlin was none too happy about lugging the corpses around and had spent most of the time grumbling and muttering in annoyance. Finally when the time came to set up camp, everyone was only too pleased, especially because it meant that Merlin's grumpy tirade would finally come to an end.

After all the tents were mounted and the fire lit, Merlin and Gwen began to work on skinning, cleaning and cooking the rabbits. Merlin looked almost ready to throw up on several occasions, but kept the conversation going with the maid in order to distract them both from thinking about cooking cute furry animals.

"You know, for someone who's caught rats and served them to Arthur, you're awfully squeamish about this."

"Yes well rats aren't particularly cute are they? Rabbits have bushy tails, eat carrots and have the most adorable ears ever. They're practically puppies. We're cooking puppies!" Merlin squeaked in horror. This made Gwen look up from her task and give Merlin and affectionate smile.

"Aww, try not to think about it. Think about…how lovely the forest is." Looking around, Merlin couldn't quite appreciate the beauty of his surroundings. It was dark, the air was chilly, there were strange howling noises coming from the distance and the way the trees were swaying in the wind made funny shadows appear around the tents. It was spooky.

"Right, when you say lovely, you mean it in a haunted forest sort of way right?."

"Merlin stop being such a pessimistic Peggy!" Gwen exclaimed in frustration. Merlin just chuckled in response. It was always funny to watch Gwen get all wound up, especially when she thought he was the one getting worked up over nothing. Hearing the soft chuckle by the fire, Arthur made his way to the pair.

"How's the grand feast coming along?" He asked conversationally.

"We're almost done." Gwen replied with a broad grin on her face. Arthur's breath almost caught in his throat at the sight of her smile. His eyes danced with pleasure, their glimmer amplified by the golden glow coming from the fire. His dark curls hung loosely around her shoulders, making Arthur wish he could run his fingers through them. He couldn't place why the sight of her kneeling by the fire with a ladle in her hand made butterflies summersault in his stomach, but they did. To Arthur, she appeared like an earth Goddess: a humble beauty, but divine all the same.

Noticing Arthur's mesmerized expression Merlin finally broke the trance.

"You might want to close your mouth. Plenty of flies around here." Arthur didn't reply with his usual wit, still slightly off balance with the sudden head rush that came with being in love. However he did look away, slightly embarrassed at being called out on his moon struck behavior.

"Right, what was I saying?" He asked, a bemused expression gracing his features.

"Nothing significant as usual. Dinner's ready though if you're not already full of awe." Merlin tried once again to take a jab at his friends. However this time both Gwen and Arthur replied together.

"Merlin, shut up." Merlin just stared at his two friends before noticeably shivering.

"That was scary. Please don't ever do that again." He cried in mock horror. Once again chuckles went around as the others joined the group. Soon food was served and the group ate in relative silence, occasionally laughing at something or other.

The relaxed atmosphere was intoxicating. Merlin found himself immersed in a feeling of well being, something he wasn't able to achieve recently. The more satisfied his friends appeared, the deeper his sense of happiness went. It was a nice change. He was beginning to think that the hunt was for his benefit as much as it was for the knights and Arthur. He needed this. He needed to get away from all his inner demons and just enjoy being a part of his new found family. Now if only Gaius was here too, everything would be perfect. However Merlin chose not to dwell on that. Having Gaius wasn't quite as relaxing anymore. Another downside of having the man know his secret. Pushing all thoughts of Gaius aside, Merlin once again dug into his meal. He had to admit, when he wasn't thinking about what he was eating, fresh meat did taste quite wonderful. He preferred chicken any day though. They were ghastly things when alive.

Once everyone was done eating, Arthur requested they join him in a little game. He wanted to bond with his new knights and had decided that the best way to get to know everyone was by getting them all drunk and having them spill their inner most secrets.

"Okay everyone, Here is a tankard of Mead, courtesy of Gwaine." Gwaine beamed with delight at being useful in that particular department. "I'm going to pass this around, and everyone has to take a drink and then answer a question asked by the person sitting next to him or her. You may ask any question, as personal as it may seem, and the person holding the mead must answer truthfully, on your honor as a knight."

"This can't end well." Gwaine muttered, looking around the group conspiringly.

"I'll ask the first question." Arthur offered. Effectively volunteering Gwen to he the first drinker. However, before she could accept, he took a big gulp of mead. "I shall also take the drink on your behalf my lady." Gwen looked slightly put out at not getting a sip, but thought it was for the best. She wasn't sure how she would live it down if she got drunk in front of all the knights.

"Alight Arthur, what is your question."

"What did you think of me when you first saw me?" Arthur asked. Almost sure that it would be a positive response. Gwen smile shyly, but answered like the honest woman Arthur had grown to admire.

"Forgive me sire, but I thought you were an arrogant bully who thought of no one but himself." The rest of the group looked stunned, all except Lancelot and Merlin, who had seen that phase in Gwen's life.

"I've since learned that you are in fact one of the kindest, selfless and courageous men I've ever known. I thank you for that Merlin. If it wasn't for you, I would never have gone past my superficial judgment." Arthur and Gwen looked at Merlin in appreciation before turning back to stare at each other lovingly. It made Merlin want to smile and gag at the same time.

"You're right Gwen, that was entirely my mistake, sorry." Merlin replied mischievously. Arthur just shook his head as he turned around to Elyan and passed the tankard into his grasp.

Elyan took a big gulp from the mug he was holding. He then turned to Gwen who was sitting beside him, waiting for his question. Gwen put on a show of thinking about her question before she settled on one.

"What made you decide to stay in Camelot this time?" Elyan thought about the question for a moment before taking another gulp of mead.

"Fighting along side Arthur made me realize that all this time I was looking for my purpose in life. I have found it now. I have found something in which I believe and I want to fight for it and protect it every day." A sense of pride came over Gwen at her brother's words. Never before had she seen him so committed to anything. The conviction in Elyan's words was enough to quell any doubts she had harbored over her brother's intentions of staying in Camelot.

"Alright Elyan, pass the tankard if you will. I believe it is Percival's turn to spill all." Eylan did as was instructed of him. In turn Percival took a swing of the tankard and waited for Elyan to ask him a question. A mischievous expression played on Elyan's lips. Suddenly Percival felt nervous about what his new friend was going to ask.

"Percival, is there a lady friend you fancy in Camelot and who is it?" At this Percival bent down his head in embarrassment as a deep blush appeared on his cheeks.

"See I told you they'd start discussing women soon." Merlin muttered to Gwen. For her part Gwen just smiled and looked towards the still blushing knight with interest.

"Oh out with it Percival. Stop blushing like a little girl." Gwaine chided playfully. Hearing the jab Percival nodded, a soft wistful smile appeared on his lips as he began to speak.

"There is one very beautiful young woman by the name of Prudence. She works in Sir Leon's household as a cook. I dare say I rather like being invited to Sir Leon's house for dinner as often as possible because of her." Gwen suddenly beamed with excitement.

"Prudence is a lovely girl Sir Percival. I grew up in Sir Leon's household, my mother used to work there."

"That's great then." Arthur chimed in happily. "Gwen can get the two of you closer. Can't you Gwen?" Gwen nodded back enthusiastically. Once again Percival blushed a deeper shade of red before bowing his head to Arthur in appreciation. Then he turned his attention to Lancelot, handing him the tankard, glad that he was done with his turn. Lancelot took the tankard with slight apprehension, wondering what sort of personal question Percival might ask him.

"Lancelot," Percival began. "Ever since I've known you. You've been fearless in the face of danger. You conduct yourself with strength and courage…"

"Is there a question here? Or did Lancelot pay you to sing his praise?" Merlin interrupted playfully. Percival only smiled in response before continuing.

"What is your deepest fear my friend?" Percival finally asked. Lancelot thought about the answer for a moment, then proceeded to take several gulps of mead before answering.

"I'm afraid that I've worked towards being a knight all my life, and now that I've finally become one, I will be horrible at it and will fail my king." Lancelot stared deeply into Arthur's eyes as he said those words. It was clear to Arthur, Merlin and Gwen that behind those words was also a promise, that despite what happened between him and Gwen, his loyalty to Arthur was paramount. Arthur felt a surge of gratitude build up inside him upon seeing such unwavering loyalty.

"Don't worry Lancelot, your fears will never come to pass. You have my trust." Arthur said softly. He was glad that he had proposed this game. Perhaps because of it all their demons might finally be purged.

Next the tankard was passed onto Gwaine who took the mug with anticipation, taking more than his fair share of sips. Finally when it seemed that he was satisfied with his drink, he turned to Lancelot.

"Do your worst mate." He said, slamming the tankard into the ground.

Lancelot took the longest time to come up with a question. There was so much that was a mystery about Gwaine, it was hard to pick just one thing. Finally he settled on the question he had always wanted to ask him.

"Why are you always so keen on helping the underdog?"

"That's easy mate. I believe that victory should never come handed on a platter. Where's the fun in that? The real adventure happens when the odds are against you. That's a win worth telling your grand kids about. It's a bloody rush of it which makes life interesting."

"Very true." Lancelot agreed. Everyone nodded in agreement before their attention turned to Merlin. Having the whole group stare at him in anticipation made him nervous. He shuffled in his position self-consciously before gingerly taking the tankard that Gwaine was offering him. Gwaine wasn't sure what he wanted to ask Merlin. He wanted to know so many things. It was hard to decide. Merlin was as much a mystery at times as he was an open book. It was as though one could be sure that there was a part of Merlin that was so obvious, you couldn't refute it. The part of him that was innocent, helpful, friendly, caring, gracious and loyal. However there was another part of him that was secretive, powerful, selfless and wise. As though whatever it was that Merlin was hiding would undoubtedly make you see the man in a different light. However, not knowing that part of him didn't bother Gwaine. He figured he would find out some day. That day was not today. Today he wanted to know something more pressing.

"Merlin, each of us here is connected to you in some way, some of us are closer to you than others. What I want to know is, who here is your closest friend?" It was as though the air had been sucked out of the atmosphere around Merlin. He could see Gwen, Arthur, Lancelot and Gwaine tense up in anticipation. Arthur looked worried, Gwen seemed unsure, Lancelot almost appeared sure of himself while Gwaine just looked like he was pleading with his eyes. Elyan and Percival were the only ones who appeared interested but not invested in the answer. Merlin hadn't realized that his friends worried over something like this. He was just a servant after all.

"Urm, that's a good question." Merlin began. He was sure he knew the answer to the question but just wasn't sure if he wanted to say it out loud. It was painfully obvious that someone was going to feel hurt no matter who's name he mentioned. However, he guessed if there was ever a time to say it, now was as good as any. He took a large swing at the tankard of mead and continued.

"My best friend is…" However just as the moment of revelation came to it's climax, fate intervened. The sound of twigs snapping caught everyone's attention. Merlin looked around in bewilderment for a moment, about to ask what was going on before Arthur motioned the group to be silent. Slowly, all the knights rose to their feet at once, hands flying to their swords. Merlin and Gwen too got up and began to look around in anticipation. Everything was quiet for a few moments. It was as though the whole forest had gone still. The sounds of animals howling, trees swaying in the wind and birds cooing in the distances were muted, replaced by the eerie sound of anxious silence.

From the corner of his eye, Gwaine caught a shadow moving in the darkness. He silently pointed his sword in that direction, allowing the others to confirm what he saw. However, there was no time to react, as many such shadows suddenly began to emerge in all directions.

Suddenly the silence was broken as ten burly men stepped out of the shadows and into the group's view. With swords in their hands, filthy clothes and masks covering their faces, there was no doubt what had just happened. Arthur's camp was being attacked by a group of bandits.

There was barely any time to register what was going on. Swords, spears and sticks came crashing down in all directions as a fight broke out in full force. Amongst the chaos, Merlin automatically edged towards Arthur, ready to aid him in any way possible. He noticed that Elyan had moved closer to Gwen and was doing his best to protect his sister. Not that Gwen needed any help. She too had picked up a spear and was engaged in impressive combat. Lancelot was behind Merlin, making sure no one hurt his young friend. The proximity also helped him keep a close eye on Arthur. After all, as a knight protecting the future king was his top priority. Of course having a powerful sorcerer backing him up didn't hurt matters any.

The sorcerer in question was surprisingly light on his feet, at least according to Arthur. The future king had never seen Merlin acquire and then use a sword so aptly before. In fact, most times Merlin stood to the side or cowered behind a tree or something. The few times Arthur did remember Merlin handling a sword, it usually ended with Arthur having to rescue the hopeless servant before someone ran him through. That wasn't the case at that moment. Merlin was holding his own, parrying, defending and even landing a few blows. Arthur was so impressed with his servant that he almost lost track of his own opponent. Unfortunately, his distraction was his undoing. Soon he was knocked off his feet with his attacker standing above him, ready to drive the sword through him. Somewhere during his descent Arthur had lost hold of his sword and was unable to protect himself. Trying to roll away didn't work either since the bandit had him pinned between his two legs. There was no way out. Arthur was sure he was going to die. He saw the sword coming towards him as though in slow motion, Arthur closed his eyes in anticipation of the pain, but it never came. Instead, the sound of a sword clanking with another could be heard just above him.

There he saw Merlin bent above him, his sword right above his chest in a defensive position as he blocked the attacking sword. Arthur couldn't see Merlin's face, but he was sure the young man was straining his muscles beyond his tolerance. Then suddenly the bandit was thrown off his feet, just as Merlin pushed upwards. Arthur couldn't believe his eyes. It was miraculous. A man of Merlin's size and skill being able to push so hard that his attacker flew back several feet was almost unthinkable, but there it was. Still in awe of what his servant had achieved, Arthur made his way to his fallen weapon and joined the fight once more.

With renewed force, the fight began anew, and soon the battle was over. The brute force of the bandits was no match for the finest swordsman of Camelot. Most of their attackers lay dead to the world, however few had escaped into the wilderness. Quickly Arthur turned to his knights, making sure everyone was accounted for. Everyone appeared to be unharmed even though Merlin looked rather worse for wear. His hair was sticking out in odd directions, his face looked flushed and he seemed to be completely winded.

"Alright there Merlin?" He asked, concern and amusement melting into each other.

"Oh, you know me. Always…peachy." Merlin quipped between breaths. Arthur would have believed him had he not followed the words by doubling over, holding a stitch in his side. However, his concern would have to take a back seat. There were more important matters at hand.

"I don't think this was the last of them. These bandits have been encroaching on Cendred's land for quite some time now. Countless good men have lost their lives because of it. I'd like to find out where their camp is."

"Sire, do you think we'll be able to handle their entire camp?" Percival asked skeptically.

"Probably not, I still think we should find it first, then we can go back to Camelot for reinforcements." The group nodded at the wisdom of that plan and began to pack up their belongings. It seemed that there was no use in staying where they were. It wasn't safe anymore. Besides, there were fresh trails to follow.

"Alright then, we can't assume that all the trails lead back to the camp. So we're going to split up. Elyan and Gwen follow the trail going North. Gwaine and Percival follow the trail leading South. Lancelot and Merlin, you're with me. We'll meet back here in three hours whether or not you've found anything." Everyone nodded in acceptance. Gwen moved forward, embracing Arthur tightly. With a soft kiss on his cheek she whispered those familiar words that made Arthur's world turn. "I love you. Be safe." She said as she stepped back and turned to Elyan as a signal to get going.

Gwaine too moved towards Merlin, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Take care mate." He said fondly before walking away with Percival. Merlin smiled broadly, touched by his friend's display of affection. Had he not turned around at that instant, he would have missed Arthur's annoyed expression as he watched Gwaine leave.

"What?" Merlin asked.

"Nothing." Arthur replied irritably. If Merlin didn't know better, he would have thought Arthur was mad at Gwaine. But why all of a sudden? Merlin would never know. He didn't have time to contemplate it further as Arthur gestured his little group to move towards the trail that lead away from the clearing.

…..

Merlin slowly trudged behind Arthur and Lancelot. He was utterly spent. It wasn't as though spending the entire day carrying around dead animals hadn't been bad enough, he was now completely spent of any energy with his last stint. He wasn't sure if he was up to tracking down bandit camps at the moment. In fact he wasn't up for anything. He needed to rest or else there would be some major consequences. Sadly there was no way of explaining said consequences to anyone else, so he was doomed to follow in Arthur's lead.

"You're being awfully quiet." Arthur stated. Lancelot too looked behind him in concern.

"Yes, don't want you to be too used to my entertainment Arthur. Have to keep the public begging for more." Arthur chose to ignore the come back, choosing instead to turn around and face his friend.

"You know, you did really well today. I never realized you were so good with a sword. I mean you're no knight, but you aren't totally hopeless either."

"No thanks necessary Arthur, I'd gladly save your Pratty backside any day." Merlin replied with his usual smile, a hint of playful arrogance seeping into his words.

"I never said thank you." Arthur said incredulously.

"You did now. And you're welcome." Beside the two, Lancelot smiled and shook his head. The two men never ceased to amaze him. Here was Arthur, completely oblivious to all the sacrifices Merlin had made for him. He had no idea of how many times Merlin had saved his life. He didn't even know the full extent of power that Merlin possessed. However, it didn't really matter in the end. For Arthur, Merlin was his one true friend. Whether or not he realized it, Arthur too would give his life for his servant. His rank, his stature, nothing truly mattered. Arthur was aware of Merlin's loyalty, was fond of his personality and always wanted Merlin by his side, in good times or bad. His friendship wasn't dependent on anything profound like destiny or honor. It was only based on the fact that he cared for Merlin, regardless of the fact that in his eyes Merlin was clumsy, oblivious and incompetent in most things. He was just _Merlin_ and that was enough.

With that thought in mind, Lancelot was about to interrupt the still arguing friends when he heard a noise come from the bushes. He motioned for the two to be silent as the knight unsheathed his sword. Arthur quickly followed suit, stepping in front of Merlin, effectively blocking him from danger.

Lancelot was about to move closer to the source of the sound when a webbed foot came into view. Quickly the knight backtracked, edging close to Arthur.

"What is that?" Merlin asked apprehensively.

"I really don't want to know." Arthur replied with the same amount of hesitation.

Slowly the webbed creature came into full view, taking all three men by surprise. It was a large frog like creature with sharp fangs protruding from its gums. His beady eyes looked crazed with hunger as it began to edge closer to the trio.

"Could this night get any more ridiculous?" Arthur asked in frustration, just as the angry creature made a lunge for the man in question. Arthur instantly leapt back, barreling into Merlin, who came crashing down to the floor.

"Arthur!" Merlin bit back in annoyance. He didn't get any reply as Arthur got back on his feet and began to charge at the monster. Lancelot did the same from the other side. For a moment Merlin thought that his two friends would finish off the beast easily. However it was not the case. Both men were thrown off their feet as the monster kicked Arthur into a tree and head butted Lancelot in the opposite direction. To his horror and slight relief, Arthur was now out cold. This meant that Merlin could consider magic as an alternative, it also meant that Arthur would not be of much help. Not to mention the fact that the stupid beast was free to focus on Merlin now.

Slowly Merlin moved closer to Arthur and grabbed his sword off the ground. From the corner of his eyes he could see Lancelot getting up from his prone position. The beast paid the knight no attention. Like a predator playing with his food, the monster began to circle around Merlin. The warlock matched the beast's movements, keeping his sword level. Finally when the monster decided to attack, Merlin was ready. He quickly brought out his sword and thrust it into the Beast's open mouth. However, the monster merely bit down on the sword and yanked it out of Merlin's hand.

From behind him, Lancelot began to make noises to distract the beast from the young warlock.

"Hey, you big ugly thing. Look here!"

"Shut up Lancelot, what are you doing?" Merlin hissed.

"Getting it away from you."

"I can handle it." Merlin bit back. Scared at the idea of the beast hurting his friend. However, he was not given any choice in the matter as Lancelot continued to yell. Unfortunately, the beast gave into the distraction and made a run towards Lancelot.

Merlin had no time, he had to use magic now, there was no choice what so ever. If he didn't, Lancelot would die. Quickly thinking of the appropriate spell, Merlin thrust his hand in the air and yelled. "Flamma velle capere tuus". As soon as the words left his mouth, Merlin's eyes flashed gold. The beast that was charging towards Lancelot froze in his tracks before bursting into flames.

Just as the last sparks of the creature faded away, Lancelot yelled in triumph. "That was brilliant as always." He congratulated Merlin as he made his way to Arthur to check on him. When he didn't get any reply from the warlock, Lancelot finally turned around to face him.

The young man was on his knees, clutching his chest. Worry instantly rose like a storm within Lancelot's mind as he ran to his friend's aid.

"Merlin! What's wrong?" He asked, frantically looking for a wound. His search however came up empty.

"N…nothing." Merlin rasped, but his words didn't calm Lancelot's fast beating heart. Merlin looked terrible, as though pain was consuming him entirely. His hands shook with strain as occasional gasps escaped his otherwise tightly sealed lips. He was covered in sweat, and his eyes appeared sunken into his sockets.

"Like hell nothing's wrong. Tell me what's the matter Merlin. What's wrong with you?" He asked desperately. Merlin was about to say something when Lancelot cut him off.

"On your honor as my friend, you won't lie to me Merlin." Hearing this Merlin didn't respond. When he finally looked up, it seemed to Lancelot that something had changed in his friend, as through the young man had taken up a resolve. However, when the next words escaped the warlock's lips, Lancelot wished he had never seen that determination in Merlin's eyes.

"I'm dying Lancelot."

TBC

A/N: Okay, so don't kill me please. I know most of you would like to pelt me with rotten eggs for giving you another cliffhanger, but think of it this way, the next chapter will be along soon and all your questions will be answered. As long as I get lots of reviews that is.


	5. Chapter 5

**Let the Silence Not Be Heard**

**A/N Thank you SO much for all your reviews. Honestly never thought I'd get such a huge response. I'm humbled. I really am. So here is the next chapter. This is my attempt at justifying what will happen next. I needed to legitimate this version of events, so that the future isn't altered. I tried to make things easy to understand, but there is a bit of science fiction theory in here and I hope it's come across the way it should. Hope you like it. Write me a nice and long review and tell me what you find. **

**Happy New Year! **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin or any of its characters. Booo. **

"_On your honor as my friend, you won't lie to me Merlin." Hearing this Merlin didn't respond. When he finally looked up, it seemed to Lancelot that something had changed in his friend, as through the young man had taken up a resolve. However, when the next words escaped the warlock's lips, Lancelot wished he had never seen that determination in Merlin's eyes. _

"_I'm dying Lancelot." _

**Chapter 5**

To say that Lancelot was beside himself with panic would be a severe understatement. For the life of him he couldn't understand what Merlin was trying to say. Once again he attempted to search for the reason for Merlin's abysmal prediction of his own mortality. Surely the monster hadn't hit Merlin? Lancelot was present during the fight, he hadn't noticed anything. However one could never account for magical injuries. Once again though, his search came up empty.

"Merlin, what are you talking about? Did it hurt you? I don't see any fatal injuries. Whatever it is, we can fix it. I swear to you. Gaius will fix…" In his prone position on the floor, still clutching his chest as bouts of pain resonated through his body, Merlin shook his head.

"It's not what you think." He bit out. Not really answering the most pressing question in Lancelot's mind. What was it that was causing Merlin to think he was dying?

"Then what is it?" He finally asked. Merlin was about to answer but yet another spasm caught the young warlock by surprise, making him gasp in pain. He would have doubled over had it not been for Lancelot's steadying hand on his shoulder. Finally when the pain subsided, Merlin relaxed slightly. He then remembered that Lancelot was not the only one present, Arthur had been hurt in the fight as well. Momentarily panicked, he looked for his friend, trying to crane his neck past Lancelot's lean form. Understanding the reason for his friend's anxiety, Lancelot gripped Merlin's shoulder a little tighter. "Arthur's fine Merlin. I made sure of that before I came to you."

Merlin visibly relaxed once more, as he gingerly tried to get to his feet. Lancelot helped him stand, then led him to a nearby tree. As Merlin plopped down in exhaustion, Lancelot waited patiently for his friend to resume the conversation. It was clear that the immediate danger had passed. Now it was time to learn what was really going on. For a few moments no one said anything, but finally not being able to stand the intensity of Lancelot's worried gaze, Merlin began.

"Just after you arrived with Gwen and the others, I set out to dispose of the magical sword we had fought Morgana's army with. Once I was done, I turned back for Camelot. On my way back, a dizzying feeling came over me and my heart began to feel like it was being crushed. It was horrible. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. I didn't know where I was going. It was time was slowing down. Then the pain came, and it was so terrible, so surprising that I fell off my horse and passed out. Everything went blank and then I began to dream. At least that is what I thought it was.

_Merlin found himself standing in a darkened chamber. It appeared as though it was made of darkness. There was nothing inside or outside of it. There were no walls, no doors, floors, roofs or any defining features, however it gave the distinct feeling that it was a room none the less. If Merlin were honest, it felt more like a place outside of the universe itself. _

_Confused as to how he could have possibly gotten here, Merlin looked around in both fear and wonder. At first glance there was nothing to tell him what he needed to know, however upon a second sweep something caught his eyes. A small white light was hovering in the corner of his eye. He turned to face the light, quite sure it wasn't there a moment ago. It was a small magical speck in the darkness, pure and beautiful. As he watched, the white light grew bigger, floating towards him. It was etherial, whiter than any white Merlin could ever imagine. It ebbed and flowed within the darkness as through it was the antithesis of darkness itself, like it belonged. It was much the opposite of how Merlin currently felt. He didn't even know where he was. Finally as the light came closer to Merlin, the warlock began to realize that it wasn't a ball of light like he had previously thought, but was in-fact in the shape of a person. Merlin took a step back in fear. After all, he was in a darkened room, had no clue how he got here and no idea who that person was. It could be a magical kidnapping. What if it was Morgana out for revenge? His worries were quelled soon enough though, when the light transformed into a physical being. To Merlin's utter shock, it was familiar blue eyes that stared back at him. The face too was entirely too familiar, especially since a few weeks ago, Merlin himself donned that appearance in order to save Gwen from being executed. For in front of Merlin stood the 80 year old version of himself. Not shockingly, Merlin blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. _

"_Well this is a weird dream. I don't think I'd ever wear a purple robe and that pointy hat. I look ridiculous" The 80 year old version of himself smiled, much the way his younger counterpart often did. _

"_You have no idea." However the older man's smile turned into a scowl, his old features appearing grim and exhausted. "Merlin, this isn't a dream." _

"_Oh really? I'm seeing an older version of myself. How can that be real? In-fact, where the hell am I?. Last thing I remember was riding back to Camelot." _

"_We're both currently outside of time and space. I've pulled you out in order to speak with you." _

"_Why?" Merlin asked, still wondering about the bizarreness of his dream. What had he eating that morning to cause such hallucinations? He was going to have a talk with Gaius about serving unidentified items for breakfast. _

"_Why do you or I ever do anything? All because of Arthur of course."_

"_I see things don't change much then?" _

"_Oh they only get worse. The big prat never stops being annoying." Old Merlin replied almost cheerily. However, the smile did not reach his eyes. _

"_Great. Just what I need to hear. Alright then. What do you want?" At this old Merlin's cheer deflated as he hunched his old frame slightly. _

"_I'm not you Merlin. I'm an alternate version of you." At this Merlin gave the older man a questioning stare, almost wondering if the older version of himself was mentally afflicted. It wasn't impossible, judging from the accusations he got from Gaius so many times in a day. Ignoring him, old Merlin continued. _

"_As you know, no future is absolute. However, what you will realize later is that no future is singular either. Many lifetimes happen at once, every decision made creates a new reality, in which different things become possible, however there is a grand design in which one ultimate reality affects all other realities. It is this reality which keeps the cosmic balance in place. Because of the nature of your power, you are connected to the grand reality, even though you do not belong to it. So in essence, what happens in your lifetime, and mine, affect each other. Our destinies are intertwined, just as much as ours and Arthur's." _

"_I don't understand." _

"_In your reality, certain things are different from the original legend. Such as the fact that you are the same age as Arthur, Gwen is a serving girl and Arthur has grown up in Camelot instead of being sent away. In my reality that is not the case. Things happen in my lifetime before they happen in yours. However, fate in your life is determined by occurrences in mine. Think of it this way. Normally a tree has a trunk and all its branches. The branches cannot survive without the tree trunk. My reality is the tree trunk, and yours is a particularly strong branch. My Arthur's future will determine the future of all the realities in the universe. If he dies, than so does your Arthur." _

"_So your Arthur is dying?"_

"_Yes. He is fighting the Saxons, and if he dies now, he will not fulfill his destiny." _

"_So what do you want me to do?"_

"_I need you to give your life in return for his." Merlin just stared at him in bewilderment. Sure he had a bit of a self sacrificing streak recently, but he wasn't going to give his life for an estranged Arthur. _

"_Why can't you do it?"_

"_I can't, because one Merlin must exist to help your Arthur and mine." _

"_And what about my destiny?"_

"_This is your destiny. The prophecy said that Merlin would help Arthur, not which Merlin. I cannot die because if I do, so will you, and then both our Arthur's will never fulfill their destinies." _

"_Why can't I take your place in your future?" _

"_Unfortunately you would not be able to survive there. My power is greater than yours because I belong to the ultimate reality. My magic can transcend time, space and all its realms of possibility. You can't." Merlin looked distressed. _

"_So if I don't, my Arthur will die now?" The elder Merlin nodded grimly. _

"_Trust me, I would gladly give my life. But fate has made it clear to me that I cannot do that. Arthur is meant to live, that is the only purpose of my life and yours." The decision was clear to Merlin. It wasn't really a decision at all. He would save Arthur, that was all that mattered. If he was meant to give his life, then so be it. _

"_What do you want me to do?" _

"_Nothing actually. This is a time in your life when you will come across a great ailment. There is no cure for it, magical or otherwise. All you have to do is succumb to it when the time comes. It was Gaius who was meant to originally come down with it, but now it shall be you." _

"_What I don't understand is, how come you're asking me? Why not kill one of Arthur's enemies to preserve the balance of life, like I did with Nimueh?"_

"_We're meddling with destiny itself my friend. It takes great magic and an even greater sacrifice. Killing an enemy won't save my Arthur. To perform the magic I am trying to perform, the combination of your power and mine will only work. This isn't mirroring life and death, it is harnessing fate itself. I need to prolong Arthur's life long enough that Albion flourishes. It is the only way every other future will be secure."_

"_Why do you care about anyone else's future anyway? Why not let us handle our own futures?"_

"_You're lucky, all you have to worry about is Arthur's future. I've been dumped into a sodden world where cosmic balance constantly rests on my shoulders. It's hard to disregard it. I see possible consequences of every reality constantly playing in my head. It can really mess a person's mind up. Imagine living thousands of lifetimes every second of your existence. It's exhausting and disorienting at the best of times. "_

_Just the idea of it made a shudder go through young Merlin's spine. He definitely wouldn't enjoy that. _

"_So what you're saying basically is that I'm going to die in Gaius and Arthur's place, thereby saving my Arthur and every other Arthur in the universe." _

"_Yes, basically." _

"_Fine. Then I'll take the stupid disease, whatever it is. How long will it take for it to take effect?"_

"_You've already started feeling the effects, you just don't realize it. Be rest assured though, it is your destiny to see Arthur to his rightful throne."_

"_And then?"_

"_Then I don't know."_

"_And who's going to guide my Arthur?"_

"_When the time comes, I will leave my realm and come to yours. I'll make sure he becomes the king he was meant to be." _

"_No offense but you're rather old. How do I know you'll survive long enough to help my Arthur?" _

"_I'm not that old." the elder Merlin replied indignantly. But then his voice softened fondly. "Besides, magic can keep me going for as long as I wish. I mean look how long the Fisher King survived." Young Merlin could only nod in response. It seemed all the loopholes he could think of were taken care of._

"_For the record, this really sucks." Merlin muttered. He couldn't believe it. All that hard work, all that pain, all those sacrifices and he wasn't even going to live long enough to see the fruits of his labor. Life was dramatically unfair. _

_Older Merlin nodded in understanding. _

"_I know, I'm asking too much." The old man looked so broken, so utterly torn at the thought of all the wonderful things this younger version of himself would miss. Seeing his distress the younger Merlin shrugged in acceptance. _

"_Oh well, it's nothing I'm not willing to give for the stupid Prat. Just wished he'd figure it out some day. But I guess it's better that he doesn't now." The older man could only nod in response. Then his corporeal form began to shimmer into white light once more. _

"_I must go now Merlin. Just remember, your sacrifice is saving the universe itself." _

"_Yea…sure." Merlin replied non-enthusiastically. _

_Then the light faded into nothingness, just the way it had come and Merlin was ripped from the darkness as he woke up next to his horse in the middle of the forest. _

…_.._

"I'd thought it was a dream at first, but it wasn't. When I got back to Camelot, I started to feel tired all the time. I'd get bouts of chest pain after using even the slightest bit of magic. I even passed out while working a few times, thankfully no one noticed. I later came to realize what was happening. It's my heart, it's failing." Lancelot didn't react to those last words. He was still too shocked at the idea that there are multiple realities. What sort of magic made such a thing possible? What sort of magic allowed a person to travel through such realities?

Finaly when the words Merlin spoke caught up with him, he realized the consequences of losing his best friend. They were beyond horrible. It couldn't be.

"So…you're just ill." Was all he said. At that Merlin smiled. He supposed had he just said those words instead of going into the dream bit, it would have had the same result, but he needed to unload. He hadn't told anyone, not even Gaius the whole truth. He couldn't handle keeping it all inside anymore.

"That is the bottom line I guess."

"But…there has to be some way, some way to save everyone."

"I…or the other me wouldn't ask such a huge sacrifice if there was."

"But…"

"There's nothing else. I've spent weeks trying to figure something else out, there really isn't anything I or anyone else can do. I'm dying, and that's all there is to it."

"But you can't. Arthur needs you. We all do."

"Arthur will be fine. He has all of you. You will all take care of each other. I've seen it with my own eyes." It seemed that Lancelot was not willing to give up so easily. He spent the next hour trying to think of a solution. Merlin patiently sat and listened, knowing that none would present itself. He knew that Lancelot needed to go through the process. After all it took Merlin a while to accept his fate. He felt relieved that he had confided in Lancelot. Knowing from experience that Lancelot would never tell anyone. Not to mention, this particular knight had a good head on his shoulders. He would be able to accept things and move on much faster than all his other friends. He was taking it much better than Gaius had, Gaius had lost it. He was still losing it as they spoke.

Finally the endless tirade of possibilities came to an end and Lancelot became quiet. He sat beside Merlin, lost in his thoughts.

'You'll take care of Arthur for me?" Merlin asked finally.

Lancelot just looked up but said nothing. His eyes reflected the deep turmoil he was feeling, but they also held affection and awe for the man Lancelot had come to respect above anyone else.

"I will." He relented finally.

"And Lancelot, you can't tell him anything." It wasn't that Lancelot didn't see that request coming, it was just that he wasn't about to comply to it.

"You can't ask me that Merlin. This is too big. It's too important."

"I don't want him to know anything!" Merlin said firmly, something the knight hadn't been expecting.

"Why not? Doesn't he deserve the truth after all this time?"

"He deserves to be happy." Merlin said without hesitation, as though that made everything okay.

"Well so do you." Lancelot replied stubbornly.

"If you want me to be happy, you won't tell him." Merlin replied just as stubbornly.

"What are you two blittering on about?" Came a familiar sounding annoyed voice from the other side of the clearing. Merlin almost jumped out of his skin, scared beyond belief that Arthur may have heard something. For what seemed liked the hundredth time that day, Lancelot put a steadying hand on Merlin's shoulder before he turned to answer to his future king.

"Sire, you're awake."

"Excellent observation skills Lancelot." Came Arthur's biting come back as he slowly got up and made his way to the two men sitting by the tree.

"What happened?" He asked once he reached them. He kept one eye on Merlin who looked rather pale and disheveled. He mentally checked for any wounds on his servant but thankfully found none.

Merlin was about to reply with his usual story that would glorify whomever was present beside himself, but Lancelot cut in before he could say anything.

"Merlin drove a sword into the monster's heart and it perished. He saved us all sire." As he said those words, Arthur's eyes grew wider in surprise. He looked much like a startled toad in Merlin's opinion.

"Well don't look so shocked. I'm not that hopeless most of the time."

"Oh no, you're not hopeless at all, just incompetent." Arthur replied as he extended his hand towards Merlin to help him stand. Merlin took the hand gladly, certain that he would not be able to manage on his own. Arthur could feel the strain on his friend's limbs as he pulled himself up. The man was shaking all over, like he was a bag of bones and nothing else. Concern washed over him like a cold shower.

"What's wrong with you? Did it hurt you?" He asked quickly.

"Merlin just got knocked around a bit." Lancelot cut in, once again saving Merlin from saying anything.

"Nothing a good night's sleep can't fix." Merlin added with false cheer. Arthur caught on but didn't say anything.

"I suppose we should get back. The forest is too dangerous to look for the bandits tonight. We'll resume the search later."

With that the three men turned back the way the came. Arthur deliberately kept a slow pace, keeping in mind his own aching limbs and Merlin's current state of weakness. He couldn't help but feel like he was missing something. Lancelot was quiet, much too quiet in fact. He kept staring at Merlin with that strange expression, as though he was aware of something terrible but didn't want to voice it. Merlin kept trying to avoid Lancelot's gaze, and addressed all his conversations to Arthur instead. The future king was no fool, he saw what was happening, but chose to play along anyway.

"That monster was pretty huge actually. I can't believe I took it down all by myself" Merlin started glibly. "I think you should reward me now Arthur."

"Merlin, I think that thing knocked you in the head one too many times."

"That it did sire. See I risked my life. It means rewards…"

"Fine, what do you want?"

"A new…something."

"You can't even think of a reward. Pathetic Merlin, really."

"Oh I know, I won't muck up the stables for a week."

"And who will in your stead?"

"Other people that aren't me?"

"Not going to happen."

"Prat."

"Idiot."

"Toad."

"Monkey."

"Clotpole."

"duck feet!"

"Duck feet?" Merlin asked, amused by Arthur's vain attempt at an insult.

"Your feet...they're like duck feet because you're clumsy..." Arthur finished lamely. Merlin just continued to smile at him in amusement.

"Oh shut up Merlin."

Lancelot could hear the banter that was going on around him but couldn't really listen. He did hear the forced humor behind the words though. Why hadn't he seen it before? Did Merlin always hide behind humor like that? Did Arthur fall for it every time? How many times had the warlock deceived everyone into thinking he was happy, when in reality he was just distracting them from his own sadness. Lancelot could still hear Merlin's words ringing in his ears. The words that condemned his friend to death. Those words changed everything. Every joke, every insult, every smile that Merlin had ever given, seemed now drenched in pain. His best friend was dying. How could that be? This young man who was joking around, the person who had unimaginable magic, the person who deserved to live a long and healthy life, he was dying of heart failure. It was unthinkable. Merlin didn't deserve this. He deserved to be rewarded for all his courage and sacrifice. He deserved to be beside Arthur as his court sorcerer. He deserved to be loved and praised by everyone. How could he be dying?

He just couldn't. Lancelot would not let him. He'd save Merlin, one way or another.

TBC

**A/N: Please Review! It really helps me write faster. Not even kidding. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Let the Silence Not Be Heard**

**A/N: Okay, so most of you probably want to throw something at me for taking so much time to update, but I blame the muse for this. This fic was supposed to be a short one, simple story and what not. All of a sudden it's become this epic thing, and it keeps getting longer and more complex. So the good news is…there a lot more to read in the future. The bad news was that i had to figure it all out before posting this chapter. So please don't kill me. **

**Also, please review and tell me what you think of this new direction, and if at all you're catching my drift with Merlin's ordeal in this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters, but really, in my dreams I totally do. **

**Chapter 6**

The conversation between servant and master had died down after a few minutes, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. Each man was lost in his own thoughts, none of which were pleasant.

Somewhere during the walk back, Merlin's vision had begun to swim alarmingly. It wasn't a good sign. The feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that his body was ready to sound a theatrical protest, no matter who the spectator might be. He was dizzy and completely unstable on his feet. His limbs felt heavy and cumbersome and all the young man wanted to do was curl up in a corner and give into the pull of unconsciousness. Unfortunately, no such opportunity was in his near future. He just hoped that Lancelot would cover for him, were something dramatic to happen. After all, that was the whole point. He was tired of making up all the excuses. He needed someone else to take over.

Arthur watched Merlin from the corner of his eye. He was fed up with the servant. His shifty nature was on overdrive recently. It was more than obvious that Merlin was hiding something, and his flippant attitude about the whole thing was getting annoying. Honestly, the thing that was really getting to him was that he was sure Lancelot knew something. The shifty glances, the concern, the way Lancelot kept putting a protective hand on Merlin's shoulder, it was plain as day. Something was wrong and Merlin had chosen to confide in Lancelot and not Arthur.

Maybe he was being petty, but it hurt. After everything they had been through together, after all the battles, the adventures, and strange scandals in Camelot, Arthur had thought Merlin would easily pick him over anyone else. How wrong he was. Instead he'd chosen Lancelot. The man wasn't even around for most of the past four years. What right did he have to Merlin?

Then there was the whole question about what it was Merlin was hiding. Lancelot looked distressed and so had Gaius a few days earlier. Whatever it was, it wasn't good for Merlin. Why was Merlin torturing him like this? Why couldn't he just tell him?

The more he thought about it, the more it irritated him, so much so that it was beginning to show in his face. Once again he gave a sidelong glance to the servant trudging beside him. Merlin looked terrible. His already pale features looked grey under the moonlight. It made the dark circles under his eyes even more pronounced in contrast. His shoulders were hunched and he was dragging his feet in the most annoying way possible. At first it made Arthur feel bad for being irritated with the boy, after all he did save his life twice today, but at the same time, the concern Arthur felt for him brought him back to the fact that Merlin was hiding something. It was a vicious circle of annoyance.

"What's gotten under your armor?" Merlin muttered, noticing Arthur's odd behavior.

"Nothing." Arthur shot back angrily. Merlin just nodded, deciding not to push the irritable regent. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with temper tantrums anyway.

Lancelot once again heard the exchange but didn't bother participating. He was too preoccupied with the mountain Merlin had just dropped on his head. His mind was being overtaken by theories, solutions, strategies, anything that could possibly help Merlin. Unfortunately he was not well versed in magic, nor did he know much about science like Gaius did. He had no idea what needed to be done. He needed to go back to Camelot right away. He'd tell Gaius everything and take his help on the matter. It was clear that Merlin was giving up hope. His loyalty to Arthur and Gaius would not allow him to take their help, but Lancelot had no such problems. Saving Merlin was far more important than breaking a promise. If it came down to it, Arthur would have to get involved.

Lancelot was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice when they reached the rendezvous point. Standing in the clearing were Gwaine and Percival, looking all but relieved at the return of their friends.

Percival bowed slightly at Arthur and flashed a quiet smile to both Merlin and Lancelot. On the other hand Gwaine practically leapt past both nobles to give Merlin a bear hug.

Merlin returned the hug, a grin lit up his tired features, but if you looked really carefully, you would see him wince very slightly. Lancelot was indeed looking very carefully. He marveled at Merlin's ability to keep things hidden. One would never know the lengths he went to protect others from himself if he didn't already tell you the truth himself. It would be a scary thing to realize that your closest friend could be lying to you at any moment, and you would never catch it. Some would call it dangerous. However, Merlin wasn't the sort of person who enjoyed lying, he did it out of loyalty and love. If only that loyalty didn't mean routinely putting himself in harm's way.

"Glad to see you're in one piece mate." Gwaine said heartily.

It was odd to see Gwaine's open display of affection for Merlin. For all his rough and tough exterior, Gwaine was just a lost soul who had found only one friend to trust in who knows how many years. It was sad in many ways. Gwaine had nothing in his life that meant anything to him. Many would say that being a knight wasn't as important to him as it was to the others. It appeared for the most part that the man just didn't allow himself to care about anything. Lancelot often wondered what drove the man to such a lonely existence. However, seeing this rather emotional and caring side of him always brought hope. Perhaps all Gwaine needed was an anchor in his life, just one thing that would keep him from throwing away his life into meaningless adventures. Was Merlin's friendship the only anchor though? What would happen to him if he lost that? Would he leave Camelot? It wasn't something any of them wanted. Although Arthur's current behavior would speak contrary to that belief.

"We were only gone for a few hours Gwaine. It's not like Merlin left for the war and came back or something." He chided irritably. Merlin gave Arthur a stern look before turning back to Gawine.

"Did you guys find anything?"

"Nope. I take it you didn't either." Merlin only shook his head in response. He then regretted not using words instead. The movement made him unsteady. For a moment he even imagined that a flash of color had appeared before his eye. It was dizzying. Gwaine caught him easily and was about to comment on his friend's state when Arthur whirled around anxiously.

"Where are Elyan and Gwen?"

"They haven't come back yet." Percival supplied helpfully.

"I can see that. What's taking them so long?"

"Maybe they got lost?" Gwaine offered not so helpfully.

Warning bells began to ring in Arthur's mind. He couldn't help but panic at the fact that his future queen was out there in the forest, possibly being attacked by bandits, or worse, beasts. He questioned his decision of sending her off with Elyan. He should have made sure she was better protected. Just because she could handle a sword didn't mean she should have to.

"If none of our trails took us anywhere, then Gwen and Elyan must have found something. They could be in danger. We must follow them." Lancelot exclaimed, quite panicked as well.

"Yea…we…" Merlin began, intending to voice his agreement. However, for some reason his mind was not cooperating in the coherence department. Instead, his body involuntarily stumbled backwards, once again into Gwaine's firm grip.

"Whoa, Merlin. What's the matter?"

Merlin wanted to reply, to explain himself but found that he couldn't form the words. He felt rather detached from his own body all of a sudden. He didn't know if the new bout of worry over Gwen was the last straw for his body, or something more troublesome was at work, but whatever it was, it wasn't good. Colors began to dance before his eyes in a horrendously dizzying fashion. It was as though a vision was slowly taking over his reality, painting itself over everything else. He tried to stay alert, but it was virtually impossible. It was as though his mind refused to focus on anything but the strange vision that was being forced upon him.

Soon it was all too much. Without any outward warning his body crumbled in Gwaine's arms. His mind completely left the forest clearing and embarked on a journey all of its own. Merlin didn't hear Gwaine's anguish filled cry, or see Lancelot's worried face. He would have rather enjoyed Arthur's impression of a confused trout as he practically threw himself to the floor. However he saw none of these things but something entirely different.

"What's wrong with him?" Arthur asked anxiously.

Lancelot hesitated a moment. He was almost sure that Merlin's body was already pushed beyond its limits and was now giving into the illness. However, he could not tell Arthur that yet. It was too soon. He'd have to lie and it wasn't something he enjoyed doing.

"Sire, Merlin had a rough time with the beast in the woods, he's probably exhausted and his body can't take the stress anymore. He just needs rest." Arthur only nodded, hoping with all his might that nothing serious was happening to his clumsy fool of a servant. He felt guilty that Merlin had needed to fight the darn thing off when he was in the company of two of Camelot's finest fighters. There was no telling what magical harm the beast had bestowed on the fragile young man. It would be his fault if something happened to Merlin. Arthur was brought out of his one-man guilt party as Gawine's confused voice echoed in the forest.

"What beast? What's happening to him?" The knight asked in bewilderment, still holding onto Merlin like his life depended on it. He couldn't help but think about the night before, when he found Merlin lying unconscious in the forest. What was happening to his friend? Should he mention the incident to the others? Were the two things connected? He was about to bring it up but was cut off by Arthur.

"I'll tell you about the beast later. We have to move, Gwen could be in trouble."

"But sire, we can't leave Merlin like this?" Gwaine protested fiercely.

"I'll stay with him." Lancelot offered instantly. He didn't want anyone else staying and finding out something Merlin would rather keep a secret. He desperately wanted to go look for Gwen as well, but his concern for her would have to wait. Besides, there was nothing aside from her late return that suggested that she was in trouble, Merlin's current predicament did.

"Alright. We'll be back soon." Arthur reassured. He hesitated on his spot in front of Merlin, taking in the frail young man one last time before getting up to leave. He hoped to the Gods that Lancelot was right and that it was just exhaustion that was causing this and nothing else. However, he'd probably never let Merlin live it down that he passed out like a little girl after fighting with one measly beast when the younger man woke up. "Just take care of the idiot will you?" He asked Lancelot as he got to his feet. Lancelot shifted Merlin out of Gwaine's arms and onto the floor.

"Yes sire. And you bring her back." At that moment, they were both two men who loved the same woman and cared deeply for the same man. They were both bound by their respect for each other and the trust that no harm would come to the ones they both cared so much about.

Arthur nodded once in reassurance and then began to follow the trail Gwen and Elyan had begun to follow. Gawine reluctantly fell into step with the future king, with Percival, following quietly behind.

…..

Merlin was sure he was dreaming, but even in his dream he managed to groan with exasperation. How many times can a man pass out within a span of a few days, witness strange and unwanted mysteries and still feel sane? He certainly felt like this particular dream sequence was a sure sign that Merlin should go lock himself in the mad house where they keep all the mentally afflicted people. He was sure Gaius would find that amusing. Heck he'd probably say it had been coming for a while.

His exasperation aside though, Merlin had still not figured out what the heck was going on. One minute he was about to go after Gwen with the rest of the knights and the next he was watching strange colors dance in front of his eyes. It was like he was being hypnotized, and absolutely not in a pleasant sort of way.

Pinks, whites, reds, yellows, gold swirls and green swishes cascaded up and down the screen of his vision as though someone was throwing paint at him. Nothing made sense but it was all mesmerizing none-the-less.

Finally the colors assaulting Merlin's mind ceased to spiral in spectacularly hypnotic ways, instead forming shapes and images that the warlock could almost recognize.

They weren't welcome images mind you. What he saw made certain dread settle at the pit of his stomach. He was standing amidst a crystal cave, much like the one he was in a few months ago. However, this cave was afloat. All the crystals were sitting mid air floating in and out of Merlin's vision. Some seemed clear, while others seemed disjointed. There were faces he recognized inside the reflected surfaces: such as Arthur, Gwaine, Gwen, Lancelot and Gaius. He was sure he even saw Freya in one of them. In other images there were people who looked like his friends but weren't the same. There were even more images of people Merlin had never met before. It was overwhelming to say the least.

Merlin could only just make out part of what was happening in any given image. They floated past his vision at too fast a rate for anything more. However, slowly, some images began to play out more clearly. A few of the floating crystals lingered closer to Merlin, expanding in size, inviting the warlock to see what his destiny had in store.

Unfortunately, the first crystal that really showed him anything of significance, made his blood run cold. There stood Morgana, proud, beautiful and dangerous as ever. She was speaking to a horde of burly men, much like a queen addresses her knights. Fear crept all the way up Merlin's spine when he began to recognize the forest in which she stood. It was exactly like the one he last remembered standing in. However, when he tried to look closer, the scene shifted to a different setting. This one looked even more familiar. It was Camelot. It appeared as though a siege was taking place at the castle and Morgana was the one leading the attack. She was standing tall and powerful, her hands stretched out before her. Her eyes blazed gold for an instant as magical fire erupted from her fingers. The fire leapt from her hands and cascaded upon the walls of Camelot, sending the whole city screaming in horror.

Before Merlin could react to the wicked display of power, once again the image shifted, and Merlin saw Morgana pressing a blade to Arthur's neck. The warlock was so absorbed in the image that he found himself reaching forward to protect his friend. However, to his dismay, the image shattered and the crystal became blank. Slowly another crystal took its place. In it he saw Gwen standing at Morgana's side as she addressed the same horde of men as before. Once again Merlin reached out to touch the crystal to see what would happen. The image shattered once more, replaced with another which showed Morgana and Arthur kissing. Merlin was so repulsed by the idea that he quickly tried to change the image. It changed, but not fast enough. The warlock would definitely be scarred for life.

The next image showed Gwaine sitting by Merlin on the forest floor, holding his lifeless body as tears ran down his face. Merlin's heart leapt with fear for himself and concern for his friend. He wanted to follow the images related to this crystal, however this one shattered on its own accord. Then in succession thousands of images rushed towards the warlock, taking over his entire being. The rapidness of the images increased, as everything melted into itself so that Merlin could see nothing but a blur of colors once again.

It was all too confusing and bewildering. Nothing made sense and yet some how it did. Merlin didn't know how, but some part of his mind recognized the significance of what he was baring witness to. It was bringing that recognition to the larger part of his brain that was the problem. He tried hard to concentrate, to make out what the images were trying to teach him all at once, but nothing presented itself. Soon the blurred colors also faded, leaving Merlin in pitch darkness.

….

Lancelot was at a loss of what to do. He had tried everything but Merlin would not wake up. After splashing water, lightly tapping his face and even making the poor boy smell dirty socks, the only response he had gotten so far was a moan and then nothing.

The knight was starting to get desperate. He wished Gaius was here. He'd know what to do. The knight was now more convinced than ever that they needed to go back to Camelot. The only issue was convincing Arthur without telling him the cause.

The young knight was startled out of his thoughts as Merlin's body jerked into a sitting position without warning. The warlock gasped for air.

"Merlin?" Lancelot asked tentatively as he put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Merlin didn't respond at first. It didn't appear as though the servant was aware of his surroundings. Lancelot once again tried to coax his friend to snap out of it.

"Merlin are you alright?" Merlin looked around wildly before settling his gaze on Lancelot.

"Morgana." He blurted out. Lancelot looked mildly offended at being confused with a lady, a very vicious one at that.

"No…it's Lancelot." He corrected.

Merlin just shook his head as though Lancelot was an idiot. "No, Morgana is here."

The urgency in Merlin's voice made the knight sit up and pay attention instead of dismissing the boy as befuddled.

"Where?" He asked as he involuntarily looked around, as though some how the sorceress would pop up from behind.

"She's close." Merlin replied almost mysteriously.

"How do you know that?" Merlin thought about the question. He wasn't sure how his mind had come to that conclusion, especially since the images he saw in his dream had beeen so confusing. However there was no doubt in his mind that what he was saying was true.

"I'm not sure how I know, but I do. We have to warn Arthur. We need to get back to Camelot now."

"But…"

"There's no time. We need to leave." With that Merlin pushed himself off the floor and began to make his way towards the trail the knights and Gwen had followed. Lancelot only sat staring for a moment. He wasn't sure what to do. His gut was telling him to follow, but his mind wondered the sanity of having Merlin traipsing around the forest in his condition. He needed to take the warlock home and find a cure, not have him play hero in the middle of the night, especially with the threat of Morgana looming ahead.

"Lancelot, come on. Arthur needs us." Hearing this Lancelot made his decision. The reality of their lives was that Arthur came first.

"Coming." He replied as he got off his feet and began to follow the still unstable warlock.

…

Arthur lead the knights in silence. None of them had any idea how this simple hunting trip had turned into such a dangerious affair. At the moment they were dealing with lost friends, bandits, beasts and an injured Merlin. Could things get any worse? Just thinking that thought made Arthur cringe. Things always got worse.

As though in response to his thoughts, a sound alerted Arthur to a fourth presence in the forest. At first it was just a twig snapping, but now as he listened harder, he was sure he could hear someone breathing. Arthur pulled out his sword for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, signaling the knights to do the same. The forest around them was significantly thick. Being attacked in these conditions would only serve as an advantage to their attacker. Preparing himself for a major fight, Arthur readied his stance.

"Show yourself." He bellowed with as much authority as possible. However, all the bravado deflated as he heard the response from the distance.

"Sire!" A familiar female voice hissed from the darkness. Arthur and both his knights whirled around towards the source of the noise.

"Gwen?" Arthur hissed hesitantly.

Gwen stepped out with Elyan from behind a tree, unscratched to Arthur's relief.

"Oh thank god you're okay. We were just out looking for you." Arthur breathed with relief as he took Gwen into his arms. Gwen returned the hug but quickly pushed Arthur back. Arthur looked hurt for a fleeting second.

"Sire, we found the camp." Gwen reported urgently.

"That's great!" Arthur exclaimed with relief. However the look on Gwen's face did not reflect the same emotions.

"It's not actually. There are thousands of them. Much more than I've ever seen."

"Thousands?" Gawine piped in.

"More actually, I've never seen such a huge army of bandits." Elyan added.

"But how can so many bandits work together unnoticed?" Percival asked.

For a moment Gwen looked uncomfortable.

"What?" Arthur asked apprehensively.

"It's Morgana. She's leading them." Everyone stiffened at those words. No one was expecting to deal with the sorceress so soon after her last attack.

"We heard her addressing the bandits. They're planning to attack Camelot. One of the bandits who escaped our camp has told them about you being in the forest. They want to take advantage of your absence and take over Camelot."

"Why would bandits want to help Morgana?" Gwaine asked

"I'm not sure they do." Elyan offered. Everyone started at him questioningly. "I mean it looked like she was enchanting them all." The very idea of magic being involved made Arthur's blood run cold. This was not going to turn out well.

"Where are Merlin and Lancelot?" Gwen asked suddenly.

"Urm…Merlin's taken a bit of a knock to the head. Lancelot's taking care of him."

"Arthur, Morgana's going to send out a search party towards us. If she finds Merlin, she'll kill him for sure." Arthur was vaguely aware of Morgana's hatred for Merlin. He assumed it was something to do with his loyalty to Arthur.

"We should head back then. We'll go get Merlin and Lancelot and head back to Camelot."

"Sire we should probably take a different route back. If Morgana sends people looking for us, they'll be following the way the escaped bandit came. We don't want to have another run in."

Arthur Just nodded at Percival's suggestion and began to head in the general direction of the clearing they had left both their friends in. He couldn't help but feel like things were going to get a whole lot more worse now. So much for a relaxing hunt.

**TBC**

**Hey peeps, I promise I'll update real soon. Don't stop reviewing, it really kills the motivation. **


	7. Chapter 7

A/N

Hey everyone. First of all, I'm really sorry for not updating this. Secondly, I've come to a conclusion about this story.

As much as I love the idea of it, I feel like I've written myself into a corner. From this point on, I'm going to rewrite the whole thing. Some things will stay the same, but a lot of things will change.

The plan is to set it at a time when Arthur already knows about Merlin's magic…say 6-7 months. That way I don't have to deal with a reveal. Also, I think I'll change a bit if the alternate reality stuff.

Plus all this back and forth in the forest is going to have to go, because it's starting to seem pointless.

If you guys have any suggestions or ideas, let me know. Also, tell me if you're still interested in the first place, or else I won't bother with the effort.

Let me know.

First chap will be updated soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey all, I've finally posted the first rewrite. Check it out and tell me what you think. Here's the link. Review it and let me know if you still want me to continue.

.net/s/7213959/1/Let_the_Silence_Not_Be_Heard_rewritten


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